G4L

"Life is a battle between the limbic system and the neocortex."
- Dr. Arnold Schiebel, Professor of Neurobiology at UCLA

The limbic system supports emotion while the neocortex is involved in reasoning and conscious thought. It makes perfect sense. I can credit this fun trivia to Sarah, who always quotes this whenever I expressed my frustration with a particular situation.

I've come to the realization that I insist on living my life the hard way. My family always reminds me of this. I often know the outcome of events and still insist on "figuring it out" on my own. It makes me feel like the kid who touches the hot stove to see if it's really hot or if mom is just BSing. It's exactly like that. Why don't I ever just say "Fuck it, I know this isn't worth my time"?

Why is it so hard to turn away from things you know are toxic? Is it just part of being human? Part of life experience? Do other people knowingly make stupid decisions like I do? Is there a method to my madness?



Only time will tell.
...gabz

HOW?

How do you control your emotions before they control you?

The funny thing is that I've always thought of myself as someone who tries to rationalize their feelings. It's something I've always prided myself in. When I control my emotions, I don't feel vulnerable or exposed. It makes people think everything rolls off my back, but nothing ever truly does. Recently I feel like my emotions are getting the best of me. They're clouding my thoughts, affecting my judgment, dictating my actions.

I don't know if I've had a particularly hard day, or if I've just reached my breaking point, but I feel like I'm going to explode. When I analyze elements of my life separately, piece-by-piece, it's not so bad. Collectively, it's too much for me to handle.

Do you realize?



Desperately in need of sleep.
-Gabz.

Everybody gets knocked down

It's not how you start; it's how you finish.
And it's not where you're from; it's where you're at.

Everybody gets knocked down,
Everybody gets knocked down,
How quick are you gonna get up?

-The Hours, "Ali in the Jungle"



I heard this song in a Nike commercial and was intrigued. I really like it and its message. (There's a much better music video to go along with this, but Youtube won't let me post that version.)

Got a lot on my mind. What else is new? That's not a complaint.

It's hard to say.

I'm struggling with a bit of writer's block so I asked Sarah what I should write about. She offered the following suggestions:

"Umm, write about how you don't like Ke$ha.. or how your hair falls out when you shower and straighten your hair... or about how you were going to go to gym but then didn't."

I'm not taking any of her suggestions.

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about my future and post-grad plans lately. I went to the Career Center on campus last week and Xeroxed tons of pages on internship opportunities in SF and NYC. And this past weekend I looked on Craigslist at apartments for rent in both areas. The possibility of living in a 'roach-free and safe environment with my income is slim to none. Wait, you mean rent in Manhattan isn't $0 a month? Why is this news to me??

The truth is that I spend a lot of time wondering what's going to happen to me in the future, and not nearly enough time on the means to get to where I want to be. I look at my friends who know exactly what they want to do in life and comparatively, it seems as if I don't have real goals and aspirations. But I do. I'm just looking forward to quite an adventure on the road to self-discovery. Sounds kinda naive when I type it all out like that.

My inspiration:


We'll see.